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As most of you who pay attention to my page here, or my journals on any other of the sites that I haunt, I know that I have been less active on line.  There has been a lot going on in life in general right now.  Wyatt is almost walking on his own and into everything like a little 9 month old should be.  Including managing to climb to the top part of my couch without help.  If it's not Wyatt drawing my attention away, it's something else.  There's been a lot of health problems in my family recently, among several other dramas.  It's hard to keep myself focused, and I find what little time during the day that I manage to pick up a pen or a piece of clay very therapeutic.  There for in an attempt to keep myself more focused than I have been, I've decided to share my goals for this coming year.
1.  Buy a better vacuum cleaner.
               (The one that I have only seems to pick up dust, and I find myself trying to sweep a carpet a lot of the time.)
2.  Research better foods, and try to introduce better things to eat into my families meals since that is a big thing now, for both sides of my extended family.
3.  Make a schedule and keep a calendar.  I know that right now with a 9 month old, my home schedule is not something that I should expect to have written in stone, but if I at least write it, with specific goals, I hope to half way follow it.  Especially since I would like to continue doing the things that keep me sane, like my ink sketches or my writing that I haven't done or kept up with in so long.
As far as my artistic related goal:
1.  Finish my resin projects.  I learned about casting in resin last year and I have a unfinished mask blank that is waiting for me.  As well as a dragon head that I am working on skulpting now that I hope to cast again for a few plushies.  This is tiedius work to a degree but also a lot of fun.
2.  I need to work on rebuilding my personal illustration portfolio.  By next year I would like to replace at least 4 of the pictures in it with new ones.  (4 seems managable at the moment.  We will see if I add to that number as time goes on.)
3.  Really this goal is up every year.  I just want to continue my practice with meterials, anatamy, and color.  Especially painting on 3D ish subjects like my sculptures.
Really there are more goals than this, but if I were to write all of them down, I could fill a novel.  These are the ones that I believe are most important to me.


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There are times that I think how smart my little 14 week old is because he's already tried repeatedly to imitate the fraise, peek-a-boo.  There is also the fact that he is already trying to scoot on the floor on his belly.  He really just has to figure out how to get his arms under him.  This is especially funny to see because he can get his knees under himself and push his butt up in the air.  

Then there's the moments like when I watch him try to shove the end of his elbow in his mouth.

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Well last I left, I spoke of my grand father's condition. No it hasn't improved, but it also hasn't gotten worst. The bank is naturally trying to empty out his properties, and my family is working closely with a lawyer to keep things the way that my grandfather wished them to be when his mind was still sharp. Naturally the bank will get some of his properties because his health care must be paid for at this point.


On a more positive story, our needing to take care of business with the lawyers and sign paper work has meant that I've been able to visit with my cousins more than what I usually get to visit. I normally am lucky to see my extended family twice a year. For the last month, I've been able to see them twice. It looks like there will be a third trip as well in a few weeks.

Naturally every body loves my baby boy and he's been spoiled. My uncle especially has opened up more with me. My uncle has always been awesome. He hunted, and found, a car for me when I was going through driver's training and he used to help me with homework now and then, but now he comes out and has longer conversations with me. It's funny because he's normally got such a more gruff exterior. Now he's amazed at the size of Wyatt's hands next to his and talking baby talk.

My youngest cousin is going to graduate high school next year and has looked like a super model since she was 14. Yet she still seems to mature in every way. She might choose to go to the university that I'm currently at. However I hope that she goes to the community college first.

Then there's my older cousin's children. They are 4 and 5 and the 4 year old is into everything about babies. She's even written preschool reports about wanting to be a mommy when she grows up. She's my little assistant with Wyatt when we are up north. though she has also done her best to imitate me with him. mostly imitating my breast feeding. Something that I warned my cousin she might do... I was right...

Oh and I also got to explain to my cousin's 4 year old and 5 year old where babies come from. Babies come from a very special place... ... ... The Hospital....

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This journal will be very short.  I just feel like I need to vent.

I went up north to see my family for the first time with Wyatt.  I also needed very badly to visit my grandfather.  Last year he had a stroke and he'd been living with my aunt ever since.  Taking care of him had become too hard on her.  Not for a lack of trying on her part but he had given up months ago.  He'd stopped eating enough to sustain his strength.  She had to often physically move him herself and argue with him about taking meds and eating and she's had three back surgeries.    I don't blame her decision to move him to a home.  She couldn't keep going on like that and keep her full time job.  She kept apologizing to my mother and I about her decision, but we kept saying that it was alright.  She did so well holding things together as long as she did for him and with what my aunt has gone through in her life and with her children, I've always believed her to be wonder woman.

Mean while my grandfather has given up.  He's just skin and bone and 89 years old. I didn't recognize him.  I've known this was coming for a long time, but it's still so hard.

I'll post about the rest of my trip later.

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 according to the news, today is the end of the world as we know it.  Ir at least it is the beginning of the end of the world.  And it starts at 6.  Frankly I think that it is Y2K all over again... though some people believe that Y2K hasn't come yet.  

I'm under the opinion that all these theories are fine and dandy, and fun to watch talk make people act even more stupid, but if the end of the world is around the corner, and my death is near, I don't want to see it coming.  So this is what I'm doing.  I'm prepared with a freezer full of food but that doesn't mean much.  I always manage to have that thing packed.  (I hit way too many bulk meat sales.)  but mostly me and Wyatt have been spending our morning watching a spider man musical.


made much like a very potter musical


Speaking of a very potter musical...  I might watch that tomorrow.... should the world still be here.

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Wyatt has turned a month old a few days ago.  He's been able to roll over since day one, but he's doing it more often.  I got him a set of those plastic keys because he started wanting to grab things though his hands aren't working exactly the way he wants them to yet.  He also looks as though he is trying to imitate me when I say hi to him.  More things are being tasted other than his fist and OMG I didn't realize how much he's grown till I looked at his first day pictures today.

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I took a shower today.  A mundane task that would normally have no comedy relief to it at all.  However now that we have a baby in the house this meant that the baby was then left with Daddy.  By the time I was finished with my shower and turned the water off I could hear Wyatt screaming at the top of his little lungs.

I come out and red has Wyatt in one arm.  In his other hand he has two types of pacifiers hooked over his fingers like cheep crackerjack rings and he's trying to find a Sweeny Todd song, My Friends, because that's normally our secret weapon for calming Wyatt down. 

I calmly walk in, pick Wyatt up and sit on the couch.  In a few minutes he's calmed down.  In less than five he's fallen asleep on my chest.  Mean while I'm grinning cheekily at Red.

"There's times i hate you, Hun"

There's times I'd probably hate me too.  Especially since it feels like this role is normally reversed. I had just continued grinning.
Today Wyatt is four weeks old.

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Last I checked in here, I was still waiting for my son to be born. Now he’s been here. I just haven’t had the time or the energy to post anything worth wile since his arival. He’s two weeks old now, and wow has it been exciting and at the same time a bit of a bumpy ride.

Wyatt was born in the early morning of 03/30/2011, and now he is doing great. I will start my story a little before his birth because if, by the chance, there are new mothers out there, or people who will eventually be new mothers, there is some information that I believe should be passed on. Even if it is only to a few people whom watch this journal and read this entry.

FOLLOW YOUR INSTINCTS! I’m still kicking myself about this. Also before I go on, I would like to say that just because I describe something here one way, does not mean that that same description will mean the same thing for every one. I am not talking straight to anyone in particular, every case is different, and most importantly, I am a wanabe artist, not a doctor.

No body knows the body that you live in and the way it’s felt to be pregnant for nine months more than the person who lives in YOUR body. If you think that something is going on, contact your doctor. My only complaint about the hospital that I had chosen to give birth at is that they have an answering service and not every one shares the same feelings on when it is time to come in. If I could have cone back, I would have reaquested a stress test the Sunday before Wyatt was born. That day I had called the midwife on call at the hospital three times because I wasn’t sure about what was going on with my body. I noticed an oder that I couldn’t get rid of, and I thought my water had broke at one point, though the leak was slow. The midwife had simply told me to wait until my contractions were closer together. Something that had never happened before my next apointment Tuesday, with the Ultrasound and yet another Midwife.
It turns out that I’ve had contractions for a little over a month off and on and not feeling them other than a tightening in my abdomin. Not unheard of. They are called Bracston hicks and normal. However when they measured them, I should have felt them a lot more than what I was. Durring the ultrasound that they had given me because Wyatt was a week late, Wyatt’s heart rate was eragular. My second apointment that day lasted five minutes before the Midwife seeing me told me that I needed to go to the delivery room imediately. Because Wyatt wasn’t holding a regular heart rate, they had to induce me. When my water broke, they told me that Wyatt had done something called meconium. Meconium means that the baby had had a boul movement inside me. This is something that causes problems and I believe that this was the beginning of both of our problems later in the week.

The emotional roller coster continued while labor went on for the first eight hours. For one thing, I found out that I must be the one woman in this town who goes through the pain of labor and appologizes for screaming when all I’m apparently doing is moaning. For another… Wyatt’s heart rate continued to be eregular. Dipping several times into unsafe levels. At one point they had told me that if it dipped one more time, they would have to do an emergency cesarean. They were prepping me for the surgery when I had gone from being dialated 6 cm, to 9.5 cm. within the next course of contractions, I was ready to push. The only reason that I did not make it into the surgery room was because there was suddenly a case that was more urgent than ours.

Wyatt was born without the cesarean and cryed imediately before they had a chance to whipe his face. Normally this would be a good thing but we worry that he had breathed the meconium in.

Things went well the rest of the night. I managed two hours of sleep before the doctors started my next day of pain meds and check ups. Wyatt was 15 hours old when suddenly he asperated. I was luckly talking to the nurse when suddenly Wyatt started arching his head back and to the side. His face looked like he was trying to cry but no sound was coming out and he was turning blue. He was right next to me… The nurse stopped mid sentence, grabbed him, and ran out of the room. They pumped this greyish green stuff out of his lungs and stomach. He was then moved to NICU (neonatal intensive care unit.) There, they ran him through different tests that included an ultrasound of his head. They checked him for blood clots in his brain and for siezures. Both of witch he tested negative for. The one thing that was going wrong, was his white blood cell count was rising. Meaning infection. They kept him for five more days in NICU where he was monitered by sci-fi looking equipment and put on an IV with antibiotics. He did nothing but improve there.

I was released two days after giving birth, but the hospital was nice enough to set me up with a room so that I could continue to help with Wyatt’s care. This is another stroke of luck that ended up keeping him and I safe. We’ve got on hell of a lucky star, because this means that I was already at the hospital when my whole body started shaking uncontrolably and my temp started drumatically spiking. In the time that it took me to get down the hall and across the street to ER, My temp went from 99 degrees, to 102, and rising. Coupled with a lot of sudden abdominal pain that the perscription motrin that I had taken less than an hour before, didn’t come close to covering. (The same thing that had been covering up the after effects pain of giving birth.)

That was my first time ever in ER. I hated watching everyones’ faces around me, but once again, if something bad had to happen, I couldn’t have lucked out more on the situation surrounding the experience.

The next day, Wyatt and I were both released. Him with a clean bill of health. Me with five different perscriptions to take care of my energency. I’m still scared to death that I’m going to see Wyatt turn blue in front of me again but he’s done nothing but improve and grow since we’ve come home. He already can smile big enough that I can see the beginnings of dimples and he also has enough strength to turn himself over. Me… Well… I’m still recovering Emotional and physical energy.

Well this was a long winded entry, but hey! KUTOS IF YOU GOT THIS FAR!



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It seems like all I talk about, when I do manage to talk about things on line, is the fact I'm going to be a mother soon.  To define soon, my due date is in 2 days (March 23rd) but my money is going to bet that I'll make it longer than that.  Though if it lasts as long as the 29th, the doctors are going to give me a third ultrasound to see what is going on and decide what to do from there.  They can either induce me, or surgery.

To be honest, out of all the things I've been through so far, including needles, a cesarean section scares me the most.  The closest to major surgery that I've ever had was oral surgery.  Back then, the stuff that they tried to use to knock me out didn't work.  If it does come to that, and surgery becomes my best option, I'll do it.

So now, It's a waiting game.  People are on edge when I call them and it's driving me in sane.  I keep forgetting to have the first thing I say be "I'm not going into labor yet."  It's to the point that I avoid calling people at certain times of the night.  Lord forbid I get the hiccups for more than a few minutes.  Red was ready to take me in a few weeks ago during such an attack on my normal breathing.  Him and I have developed a 1 to 10 number system on how serious it is for me to start moving to the birthing center, or call the midwife.  We've only had one absolute scare.  It was this past Saturday at about 4 am.

I had woken up in the middle of a light sleep.  Wyatt, the baby in me, hadn't let me get into a deep sleep for a few nights.  He was extra active Saturday and I don't know if he contributed to my problem or if he was active because I was going to have a problem.  Anyways I woke up with pain so intense I was having trouble breathing.  There was no break to the pain, and it was right along the bottom part of my rib cage on both sides.  My first thought was braxton hicks or the real contractions, but the pain was in the wrong area and instead of lasting for a minute or less, it lasted a total of about 45 minutes straight.  Then just as fast as the attack came on, it was over. 

During this time of pain, Red and I discovered that the number we were given to call the Midwife at the hospital does not work...  Or at least it didn't Saturday morning at 4 am.  We also discovered the operator at the general desk at the hospital didn't know where to really forward the call because he kept sending us to my doctor's office that was closed.  Red's mother works nights at this hospital. (My mother works days there as well.)  so we ended up having to call his mother's extension and having her patch us through to the correct line.  It took 20 minutes of calling different people to get a hold of someone in the birthing center.  20 Minutes.  Just as we get hold of the midwife (And accidentally scare my mother in law because as I said before, I forgot to say "I don't think I'm in labor") the pain was ending.  The midwife agreed with me that it wasn't time yet.  I had just wanted to make sure,  However she said the pain could typically be caused by one of two things.  a stomach virus.  Something I've had no other symptoms for and no pain for since, or it could be my gallbladder.  Family history, and my current circumstance, points to the second suggestion.  The issues are scheduled to be brought up at my next appointment this week.
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Well lets see if anyone responds.  These five questions were asked of me from Harnessphoto after they participated in answering questions.

Leave a comment telling me your favourite type of ... flower.
♥ I will respond; I'll ask you five questions.
♥ You'll update your journal with my five questions, and your five answers.
♥ You'll include this explanation.
♥ You'll ask other people five questions when they want to be interviewed.


What piece of art are you most proud of and why?

Honestly that is a toss up between many of my works.  It depends on my mood and what I've done recently that makes me think of them.  At the moment there are two that I can't decide between.  This one was completed back in 2006.  It was the first colored pencil drawing that I found successful, that was done outside my class.  Yes there are things in the image that I will never be completely happy with, but overall, it was a big stepping stone for me.


The second image that I am most proud of is a life sized, full body, self portrait, shaded completely in ink and hand written text.  I wish that I had a better image of it.  I've not been able to hang it and get far enough away from it to take a proper picture.  This project wasn't only a challenge in the amount of work and time I had to complete it in, it was also a challenge with getting the paper back and forth with me from home to campus, and the instructor wasn't an easy instructor to deal with.  I both adored and hated having her class.  Where with most teachers, I could sale through most of my assignments easily, this instructor had the nerve to tell me my work was nice but that I could do better and there for I received lower grades at first in her class.  I still came out with an A- in her class, but wow she made me work for it.


If you could be any animal for a day, what would it be?

A service dog.  Think about it.  No boring day at home.  people out there look and don't touch...  normally and there is still potential for being social.

Favorite food?

Strawberry rhubarb pie with a chocolate crust and either whipped cream or ice cream.  All other pies or cobblers I have trouble eating.  I don't like cooked fruit.  I like it fresh or minced in bread.  Strawberys and rhubarb are the exception that I only discovered two years ago.

Best childhood memory?

The horses.  Yeah yeah yeah.  If you know me or follow me on other sites you should know that I'm a little horse crazy.  It's been 3 years since I've been able to ride because of a lack of access to them.  My days in the country have been traded for days of relying on the bus for transportation and there is no bus rout that takes me to the barns.  I started riding when I was 8 so the horses have been a large part of my life.  Right now the memory that is my favorite is dressing a pony, named TJ Teddy Boy, up for a costume contest at the local fair.

The movie Men In Black had just come out to theaters and I was an instant 13 year old alien fan girl.  Our costume made up of a mix of cloths and halter from the showman ship class right before costume.  (For the record 5 minutes is barely enough time for a tack and clothing change.  Thank you mom for dressing Teddy.  I almost didn't make it back in the show ring.)  The white shirt and tie were my dad's.  The jacket was purchased from good will and navy blue instead of black.  and everything else was made out of things I'd found at the dollar store.  Teddy was so good to stand for those giant sun glasses.

We'd entered the ring on the last call for my back number.  There were all sorts of pony costumes that were a lot cutter than mine and that didn't contain parts made out of black trash bag materials.  The audience was something else.  To start off when I entered the ring I heard one lady ask her son,  "What are they?  Are they the FBI?  Are they X-files?"

To witch she promptly got an answer.  "No They're MIB.  They're Men In Black!"

"Look she's even got the blinky thingy!"  That little camp flashlight with a red lens was a wonderful investment.

Ok. So that was a good start.  I had recognition.  Well.  Recognition with most of the crowd.  It had seemed that my mothers best friend wasn't completely up with the extraterrestrial cinema times as she asked my parents questions.  "So what's that thing She has strapped to the pony's back?"

My mom answered.  "It's an alien."

"Yeah but what is it?"

My dad answered.  "It's an Alien."

"Yeah but what is it?"

My mom and my dad.... Answered.  "It's An Alien!"

Am I really that much of a dork?

...  Probably shouldn't answer that....

Anyways, we were called to the center of the ring for final inspection and to await the final decision.  Teddy, having been in and out of classes for most of the morning stomped for the first time in impatients, but that was to be expected.  He'd had a busy day.  Other than that, He stood quietly. 

oh yeah.  And we'd gotten first place.  I think it was the comments from the crowd that had sold it.

Something new you learned in 2010?

Sales manipulation.   For part of the 2010 year, I found work in small business marketing company.  Part of my job was being a graphic designer for the businesses clients.  The other part of the job was being a sales men and talking to different businesses to sell our products.  There are so many things that I'm catching in different sales speeches, and commercials that I've learned from my time in the marketing job. 

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